Monday, March 15, 2010

This is not the end...........

Well, I've received confirmation from the DOC (Department of Corrections) - and not the positive kind I had hoped for -   that John's remains, in fact, will never be found (due to lost records). First, "yes, we've confirmed, identified... (remains)" and exhumation would commence once the ground thawed.  Now, "oops, we made a mistake; can't find remains, never will".  Can't even be sad about this, not really, because if I get in a sad mode, I'll be frozen just like that ground I'd been waiting for to thaw.  I must stay angry; anger is a great motivator.  But, you know, this Blog  is NOT really about the DOC and I shall not go into any specifics, at least not now and not in this posting. We all know what my purpose is, where I'm headed and what I'd like to accomplish.  Believe me, I'm not big-headed enough to think I, alone, will make a difference but, then again, never underestimate the power of one.  As I so softly (not!) told a DOC representative today, and I quote, "if John's remains cannot be found, I will be goddamned if he stays in that 'sh--t hole' for all eternity".  You know, crazy as this may sound, it may have been my brother's plan all along - to look at (and fight for) the big picture; that this was never just about him but about the thousands, and thousands, and thousands, and............. This just may be the path that John chose for me to travel on, with all its bumps, pot holes and blurred white lines and................ a lot of heartache.

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